The Pupil

Well, from the eye
I can see that I
Am still yet fully formed
Though adult in externality
Still a pupil to experiences
That have yet to unfold

Pupil, pupil, pupil, pupil
Which one to choose
The student or the eye
That which sees
Or that which can traverse the seas
But only under the tutelage
Of one who knows
One of the knowledge…

What the fuck is there in the eye
That it’s all that any pseudo-romantic
Can speak of

What’s there in the mind
Of a budding youngling
But that which will be molded
And tortured and mangled
And bemuddled?

I want to have one of those nights
One you see in a movie
A moment
Unbefuddled
One that all but fully encompasses
All that can be called art

But what is that?

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The Pupil

Coming Undone

I walk into a room and can’t stand
The words hanging in the air
This plethora of hapless pontification
It’s tearing at my core, I can’t do it
How will I ever get through this

The nuances of social dynamics
I can see too far into their mechanics
Leaving me enigmatically frantic
Charismatically automatic
Leaving in the havoc of my manic antics
The ashes of fanatic acts volcanic

Well, I’m coming undone
This hapless spiral
It’s ripping me to bits
Oh what have I done
Is it simply a need to be needed
Is that all I want: Some attention
Or do I just want someone else
Someone to feel about me
The way I already do
Someone to fuel my
Self aggrandizing pride
NO
I need one to level me
The one that’ll call me out
I’m always floating so high
In the fantasies of my mind
I need that which will
Bring these fantasies to life
I’ll destroy these fallacies
As the Amalekites
I’ll remember and never forget

So here I am unthreading
Do I settle, lower my standards for everything
Stuck where I am in life, this appointment
Or do I keep on fighting this continual disappointment

What’s there to do with the shattered fragments
All that once filled this absence
The remains of these extreme expectations
The cause of these nearly healed abrasions

But what once was cut will heal
Once the blood will congeal
The scab will then peel
Maybe then I can feel real

Coming Undone