Sorry…

Well, I set out with this

to apologize

but I’m already thinking: Me

and how I fucked it all up

It was my mistake to make

You played your part on this stage

I missed the cue

You set the pace in this dance

My feet misstepped

You’re the one who smiled

I was too busy looking at the camera

And now you’re not

Well, you’re not here

I never gave you the reason to be

And you

You’re happy or something

I think of you leaning back

in a summer dress

wine glass in hand

mid-guffaw with class

Or in your jeans

at some downtown bar

a band plays in the back

the stool next to you

empty at last…

 

But what would I do with it?

What I didn’t before?

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Sorry…

Dear Girl,

I’m sorry you lied
I’m sorry I tried
I’m sorry I ever cried

I’m sorry I was willing to bear
All that you did
Just to show that I cared

I’m sorry I was so nice
And easily used
Like the itchy lice
Leaving me bemused

I’m sorry you got me high
And left me to dry
Leaving only a taste
When we could’ve had it all

I’m sorry you could so easily
Belate your feelings for me
Til when you feel the need
“Let’s do something for me.”

Dear Girl,
This is my letter to you
I’m trying to end this rut
To mend this feeling in my gut
And to belate
All these feelings of hate

So, Goodbye…
With feet to the plain
And lead to the brain,
Goodbye…

Dear Girl,

Hear, O Flower!

Because today is your birthday
And I missed the important one
All those years ago

As it turned out, I’d have no other way
You the liar, me the tactician
It’s all turned to woe

But I lied to myself too
You were no great listener
Otherwise you would have known
That you really were my flower

What’s there left to do
When there’s no roof, no fiddler
These are the seeds I’ve sown
Here’s to hoping she has all the happiness they’ll allow her

Hear, O flower, the love I once held
It was true and pure, strong and whole
Blessed is the one who can have it in the moment
Then keep it burning for an eternity

But even fire leaves ash to be felled
And that’s no way to fill a heart’s hole
Well, it’s not quite time for this atonement
So I’ll stick with my abnormativity

So for you: Happy birthday!
And for all to come…

Hear, O Flower!