I am the wolf

Tonight, I am the wolf
Though not as in reality
But as in the mind of humanity
An attack at the ready
Snarling and biting

I’ll scratch and I’ll bite
And I’ll fight for my life!
I’ll sneak and I’ll snipe
And I’ll fight for what’s right!

Today, I am killing your livestock
Not to satiate hunger or need
Just to infuriate you from your greed
Insubstantiate all that you think you need
We’ll be freed of your ignorance

When you’re just a corpse
And we’ve melted down your horde

With your liver in my gullet
Here’s to your lover with a bullet
Protecting my territory
It’s the end of your history

I am the wolf

Tempered

Tempered in the fires of society
you’ve been kept in line
within the confines
that they’ll allow
between their predefined
thresholds of deviation
Anything less or more
is left to be moored
by the police-authority

Because you wouldn’t play their game
you refused to pursue
their evangelical
greed for the purse, the money
the proposal of the self
before anything else
You’d rather burn Wall Street
than to walk it in stride
alongside the “apex” life
with an all-too-socialized bride

What? You think your’re original?
That Greek gem,
The Roman puppy,
Your favorite contemporary
have all done this already
You’re stuck sucking from their teat
You just take in their art
process it on a whim
then shit it out with your own
petty pseudo-witty veneer

You’ve let them contain you
in this transparent cage
though less like the diamond you’d prefer
and more like the glass ceiling you’d defer
right back to those who created it
from their palaces up on the hill
they look down without
seeing those they forced supplicant
living in blissful ignorance

We could burn the hill down
melt this rustic cage
if only I could escape this maze
this amaranthine labyrinth
that’s so tragically beautiful
the way it captures my gaze
soon to spit me out
from within its spinneret
in being and mind, wholly new
as a zombie like all of you

Tempered

Assassin

She thinks you’re everything she wants in a man
But she doesn’t yet realize that she’s still a girl
And that you, well you’re still but a boy
In the shoes of a man that just quite can’t
Decide to be where he is or has been or will be
His future decided by the ill will of his own
In a way that he thinks is “the way”
Or at least persists to those that aren’t him
So that from the outside, he seems clean
Of the perversions he’s seen and caused and been
And she’s stuck with her tears and feelings for him
Though he’s claimed by her ‘best friend’
And has been for many a year
What she actually considers a best friend
Is he, the very same who aims to be clean
But isn’t and hasn’t as proven from years past
Yet the other trifles on as though she’s in love
With a boy she met in years past
That has turned and burned himself to now
What he just always may be remembered by
And for the other, the one, the girl
I wish to stay for her to see how she’s led astray
By her own childish array of rights and wrongs
To maybe one day see the way
Or something close she should follow and lead
Again, I could fuck you better than any of them
And their potential miscreant hoodlum fucks
But all you want is the excitement
Of fucking behind someone’s back
Of the heart, you’re a shitty assassin

Assassin

Recursion, see Recursion

I’m stuck in this loop
It’s infinitely strange
Recursive in nature
Though it’s not to help
As far as I can tell
It’s here to frustrate
My heart’s contention
In a form of hypertension
Ever it beats to this deceit
And seemingly for the same old story

Another girl needs saving
From her self or her upbringing
Caught in her web she’s spinning
I’m sucking from the bottle her venom
Drinking up all that’s within it
Binding my body and mind in fetters
Pulled by the string the leash
She has but wrapped about her digit

This spiral is winding down
Around the event horizon
Like the tepid water of a toilet bowl
Casting shadows on all that’s alight
Is there an end in sight
To this steady stream of shit
Forcing its way through my veins
Until it’s all I’ve got left
I guess it’s like they say:
To understand it, you must understand it

Yet again I’m lusting for it
The convenience of another fuck
She’s a party girl, she should like me
So just make the most of this
Misused mutual manipulation
Barely walking away bruised to the day
Making your way with a shaken knee
So it will as it ever can be

Now you’re back
Though in this new guise
A new name a new face
The same guile in this smile
You’re but a geist
Of love lost’s past
Here to take heist
Of any joy I’ve amassed

Recursion, see Recursion

Here I Am, Here We Are

Here we are you and I
You’ve left me broken and lonely yet again
It’s like I’ll never learn
Left on the floor with all these
Thoughts of what I’ve been
Immature’s a word left for those
Whose swoon is best left ignored
Of your life and all you’ve done I’d have abhored
If not for how great it feels when its peaked
Because of all my interests, at the least, you have piqued

For your sake you fucking fake
I hope theres no heaven and hell
Cause we all know where you’ll dwell
Theres an empty abyss just for you

But I’m the one
Been taken for a fool
And you’re the one
Who thinks we’re ‘cool’
Yeah, I’m the one
Freezing in the pool
‘Cause you’re the one
Stuck in high school

Because here I am and you’re not
Ever gonna come back
I’ll see you ’round sometime
On some other guy’s arm
And you’ll be as you were
On the arm of some other guy

I’m trying to not be bitter and to be your friend
But there’s so much about you I don’t like
Your people eyes, your looks and your lies
The bruises there, between your thighs
All your plies, your sickly guise
I’m done, I’m cutting all our ties

Here I Am, Here We Are

Last Summer

Why’d you have to go and fall
Last Summer, you were so great

It’s the summer, we’re happy
Im blinded by my own disbelief
This ugly haze beset upon my gaze
Soon to be cast to the side
But there’s a smile on my face
Ever to my heart’s content

Why’d you have to go and fall
Springin’ forward, past all this shit

The rocks stuck in your feet
They’re like these stones I’ve grown
So bold with a story to tell
A fever to catch the world on fire
Burn it down ’til theres nothing left
Leaving ashes for the brashest

Why’d you have to go and fall
Into this cold cold winter

This empty bed’s been mocking me
And I’m freezing, as in my nightmares
Cold, lonely and biting my tongue
Biding my time, forever patient
‘Til I’m bled dry from my mouth
You won’t find me limp, cold on the floor

Why’d you have to go and fall
Oh Autumn, we’ve reached rock bottom!

I can see the bags filled with lies under your eyes
This pyre you’ve tried to make of me
It couldn’t even warm your heart
Though I’d love for you to jump right in
But it takes oxygen to burn
And you haven’t come up yet…

Last Summer

Dear Girl,

I’m sorry you lied
I’m sorry I tried
I’m sorry I ever cried

I’m sorry I was willing to bear
All that you did
Just to show that I cared

I’m sorry I was so nice
And easily used
Like the itchy lice
Leaving me bemused

I’m sorry you got me high
And left me to dry
Leaving only a taste
When we could’ve had it all

I’m sorry you could so easily
Belate your feelings for me
Til when you feel the need
“Let’s do something for me.”

Dear Girl,
This is my letter to you
I’m trying to end this rut
To mend this feeling in my gut
And to belate
All these feelings of hate

So, Goodbye…
With feet to the plain
And lead to the brain,
Goodbye…

Dear Girl,

Sashah

WIth the netted black holes
Painted round your eyes
Dyed to the night sky
I’m in love, why oh why

Before you lose this hint of salvation
Go back to the Gulf sea
Where you started your education
Or you’ll really find the wolf in me

But just that, you already have
In the night after far too much to drink
What you took wasn’t yours to give
But you did with a smile and a wink

What have you done with it
You’re screaming “kalima” where is my heart
Chewed it up lubed with spit
Next up: you’ll spoil my art

But I’ll draw from this
Like the drops of blood
You drew from my lips with a kiss
To pour forth in this flood

Let this river run crimson
Driven by this reason I’ve risen
Against the prison in this mission
What is this liquid wisdom
Oh I’ve got a vision

Of me bleeding these words from my veins
Feeding off the energy of your chains
Pleading to someway retake the reins
Needing to one day find what remains

What’s this you’ve become, some demon
But I’ll rid myself of you
Suck from the wound your venom
So I can in time find someone new

What was it, the last thing you said
“Fucking stupid fuck angry little shit”
Guess I got in deep and you couldn’t handle it
You sassy bitch, don’t make me laugh!

Sashah

The Blue Notebook

This fucking blue notebook
It has trapped
All that I should have said
It has entrapped
Me from all that I could have been
With its sickly binding
Bent like my spine
Spent like my wine

This notebook, it withholds so many words left unsaid
Within I’ve spewed forth my love
Put my lowest lows to bed
All these conversations, only ever written of

Oh no, it’s happening again
Waisting my time on this paper
Count me out, the lout
I’ve already proved, I’d just rape
Her of her right to a happy life
And my right to a beautiful wife
We’ve already proved, she’d just kill
My creativity in the most abrasively
Invasive mosaic of negativities

But I’ll go on in the real world
Time to close this tale of fantasy
Time to rebind this spine
This lonesome woeful spite
Of my love for you and me
Maybe when I wake up

I’ll cut these strings
Then I can be a real boy
Just like all of you
Talking through the day
Walking along my way
Not a care on display
With only these words to say:

I’m here to stay.

The Blue Notebook

Coming Undone

I walk into a room and can’t stand
The words hanging in the air
This plethora of hapless pontification
It’s tearing at my core, I can’t do it
How will I ever get through this

The nuances of social dynamics
I can see too far into their mechanics
Leaving me enigmatically frantic
Charismatically automatic
Leaving in the havoc of my manic antics
The ashes of fanatic acts volcanic

Well, I’m coming undone
This hapless spiral
It’s ripping me to bits
Oh what have I done
Is it simply a need to be needed
Is that all I want: Some attention
Or do I just want someone else
Someone to feel about me
The way I already do
Someone to fuel my
Self aggrandizing pride
NO
I need one to level me
The one that’ll call me out
I’m always floating so high
In the fantasies of my mind
I need that which will
Bring these fantasies to life
I’ll destroy these fallacies
As the Amalekites
I’ll remember and never forget

So here I am unthreading
Do I settle, lower my standards for everything
Stuck where I am in life, this appointment
Or do I keep on fighting this continual disappointment

What’s there to do with the shattered fragments
All that once filled this absence
The remains of these extreme expectations
The cause of these nearly healed abrasions

But what once was cut will heal
Once the blood will congeal
The scab will then peel
Maybe then I can feel real

Coming Undone