Dear Reader

Dear Reader,
How do I tell her
That I’ve been chasing her
Ever since high school
But not this
Who she’s become
Who she was then
Not that that was all that great
I mean, she was all that
But I left me high and dry
She moved on into the arms of some other guy
And used me to facilitate
Her hand right into his left
Now I’m boiling over; full of hate
Eyes out the window, contemplating all that is
How do I tell me
That it’s all my fault
Without bending and breaking to the wind
Whispered from her lips
But not this
Who I’ve become
Versus who I was then
Not that I’m worth a shit
Or ever really was, admirable
And I left her just when I’d changed her mind
Knowing it’s my right that I’m right, about this
Her, or my, inevitable lackluster
Disappointment in one or the other
Now I’m welling up; eyes full of tears
Blurring all in sight, setting it all askew
How do I tell the tale
That has transpired
Without betraying
Any of our faults
And all that we’ve become?

 

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Dear Reader

Tempered

Tempered in the fires of society
you’ve been kept in line
within the confines
that they’ll allow
between their predefined
thresholds of deviation
Anything less or more
is left to be moored
by the police-authority

Because you wouldn’t play their game
you refused to pursue
their evangelical
greed for the purse, the money
the proposal of the self
before anything else
You’d rather burn Wall Street
than to walk it in stride
alongside the “apex” life
with an all-too-socialized bride

What? You think your’re original?
That Greek gem,
The Roman puppy,
Your favorite contemporary
have all done this already
You’re stuck sucking from their teat
You just take in their art
process it on a whim
then shit it out with your own
petty pseudo-witty veneer

You’ve let them contain you
in this transparent cage
though less like the diamond you’d prefer
and more like the glass ceiling you’d defer
right back to those who created it
from their palaces up on the hill
they look down without
seeing those they forced supplicant
living in blissful ignorance

We could burn the hill down
melt this rustic cage
if only I could escape this maze
this amaranthine labyrinth
that’s so tragically beautiful
the way it captures my gaze
soon to spit me out
from within its spinneret
in being and mind, wholly new
as a zombie like all of you

Tempered

Sappho — Catullus — Zachor

Here, the one who is god-like
exceeding great cosmic power
because they command your attention
although not through force
Your laughter — only it can wrench
my heart from depression darkest
For when my gaze meets yours, my voice has
forgotten its place
Tongue swallowed whole, and within
lava bubbles to the pores of my skin,
thunder of the gods cannot be heard, the veil
has concealed my eyes
Tepid sweat envelops, my person rattled
throughout, as bereft as the dead
as I am and inert — as the dirt
covering this Earth
Torpor, Zachor, is your enemy true: torpor
pushes you to the worst of your extremes:
torpor, through the ages, has felled those once of bravado
and celerity
That this Lillith has lilt your heart from within
burning, but not just at both, yet from all ends
her hands pull at the ashen wicks – threads – strings
to this heart’s content
Sappho — Catullus — Zachor

Assassin

She thinks you’re everything she wants in a man
But she doesn’t yet realize that she’s still a girl
And that you, well you’re still but a boy
In the shoes of a man that just quite can’t
Decide to be where he is or has been or will be
His future decided by the ill will of his own
In a way that he thinks is “the way”
Or at least persists to those that aren’t him
So that from the outside, he seems clean
Of the perversions he’s seen and caused and been
And she’s stuck with her tears and feelings for him
Though he’s claimed by her ‘best friend’
And has been for many a year
What she actually considers a best friend
Is he, the very same who aims to be clean
But isn’t and hasn’t as proven from years past
Yet the other trifles on as though she’s in love
With a boy she met in years past
That has turned and burned himself to now
What he just always may be remembered by
And for the other, the one, the girl
I wish to stay for her to see how she’s led astray
By her own childish array of rights and wrongs
To maybe one day see the way
Or something close she should follow and lead
Again, I could fuck you better than any of them
And their potential miscreant hoodlum fucks
But all you want is the excitement
Of fucking behind someone’s back
Of the heart, you’re a shitty assassin

Assassin

Two Lies

I’ve lost two things that meant most to me
I’ve lost that which kept me smiling bright

Oh G-d, I’ve lost my back
Lost the bone that kept
Me up and so straight
All that’s in my head
All these things I feel
It’s too hard to belate

Oh Love, I’ve lost my mind
Lost the dream that kept
Me and mine alright
Keeping me afloat
Soaring lonely skies
Without a bit of fright

I’ve kept these lies from being mine
Broken what bolsters this rind
Keeping from me these truths
Accepting all that sooths

‘Cause these are the two lies
Of that which pries out our eyes
Infecting our blood with lye
Away from the truth, we shall all shy

These are the two lies
That have kept me breathing
These are the two lies
That have kept me dreaming

Two Lies

Recursion, see Recursion

I’m stuck in this loop
It’s infinitely strange
Recursive in nature
Though it’s not to help
As far as I can tell
It’s here to frustrate
My heart’s contention
In a form of hypertension
Ever it beats to this deceit
And seemingly for the same old story

Another girl needs saving
From her self or her upbringing
Caught in her web she’s spinning
I’m sucking from the bottle her venom
Drinking up all that’s within it
Binding my body and mind in fetters
Pulled by the string the leash
She has but wrapped about her digit

This spiral is winding down
Around the event horizon
Like the tepid water of a toilet bowl
Casting shadows on all that’s alight
Is there an end in sight
To this steady stream of shit
Forcing its way through my veins
Until it’s all I’ve got left
I guess it’s like they say:
To understand it, you must understand it

Yet again I’m lusting for it
The convenience of another fuck
She’s a party girl, she should like me
So just make the most of this
Misused mutual manipulation
Barely walking away bruised to the day
Making your way with a shaken knee
So it will as it ever can be

Now you’re back
Though in this new guise
A new name a new face
The same guile in this smile
You’re but a geist
Of love lost’s past
Here to take heist
Of any joy I’ve amassed

Recursion, see Recursion

Awoken

I dreamed that you so gently woke me
You woke me with poison down my throat
You were the snake at the foot of my bed
Shedding your skin ashen about
Trying to pierce your way back into my head
But I deflected it, defended against it
In this dreamscape I prevented the worst
Stopped the poison from reaching our hearts

But when I came to I truly woke up
And there you were your blade to my back
With your gums spiked forming some wry smile
And your sharpened tongue envenomed to my ear
I let it in denying what in the night
Was forewarned to be my plight

Now I’m left to the throes of love
Supposedly from above
Thought not but faux pas
Veritably with blodied claws
You left crimson rivers streaming
The proof that you were here
Storming out on me screaming:
“I want you to disappear!”

You sure did betray yourself
In that moment of weakness
Relaying what’s truly within
To be given from you
There’s not much value in it
Doesn’t matter much anyhow
It’s long gone isn’t it
What once could’ve been

The seed that grew was wilted through
Planted in the soot of what came before
Leaving the roots rotten to their core

Awoken