An Open Letter To A Past Mistake

What would you say if I told you that I’ve written about you? Would you like it? Or, would you simply dismiss it as so many others have? … As I once did to you … I’m sorry; I was preoccupied. I didn’t let myself live in the real world. I was stuck in the fantasy I had created for myself in years previous. And now, it’s too late. Isn’t it? Oh, can we go back to the grass that beautiful Shabbat in Jerusalem? I’m so sorry I didn’t make you feel every bit of how beautiful you were, you are. Now that I at least have the words to say, it’s too late. You’ve surpassed me. You’re this wonderful intelligent giant, and I’m but a grasshopper skittering about at your feet. You occasionally look down with a warm smile marveling at my meek existence. And again, I’m sorry for I have self-imposed this silence between us. I think it’s because I feel ashamed for not letting you in. You were my manic pixie dream girl, but this isn’t a Woody Allen movie…

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An Open Letter To A Past Mistake

Dear Reader

Dear Reader,
How do I tell her
That I’ve been chasing her
Ever since high school
But not this
Who she’s become
Who she was then
Not that that was all that great
I mean, she was all that
But I left me high and dry
She moved on into the arms of some other guy
And used me to facilitate
Her hand right into his left
Now I’m boiling over; full of hate
Eyes out the window, contemplating all that is
How do I tell me
That it’s all my fault
Without bending and breaking to the wind
Whispered from her lips
But not this
Who I’ve become
Versus who I was then
Not that I’m worth a shit
Or ever really was, admirable
And I left her just when I’d changed her mind
Knowing it’s my right that I’m right, about this
Her, or my, inevitable lackluster
Disappointment in one or the other
Now I’m welling up; eyes full of tears
Blurring all in sight, setting it all askew
How do I tell the tale
That has transpired
Without betraying
Any of our faults
And all that we’ve become?

 

Dear Reader

Sorry…

Well, I set out with this

to apologize

but I’m already thinking: Me

and how I fucked it all up

It was my mistake to make

You played your part on this stage

I missed the cue

You set the pace in this dance

My feet misstepped

You’re the one who smiled

I was too busy looking at the camera

And now you’re not

Well, you’re not here

I never gave you the reason to be

And you

You’re happy or something

I think of you leaning back

in a summer dress

wine glass in hand

mid-guffaw with class

Or in your jeans

at some downtown bar

a band plays in the back

the stool next to you

empty at last…

 

But what would I do with it?

What I didn’t before?

Sorry…

I Am The Moon

I am the moon, scattered amongst the ebb and flow

All of the shiny pieces to be taken in, collected

Admired, from afar as so many have dreamt, and intimately as only the bravest few have tread

Though I am stuck in this earthly embrace, this dance in space

That princely parapet with whom only dreamers in the night connect

I Am The Moon

Tempered

Tempered in the fires of society
you’ve been kept in line
within the confines
that they’ll allow
between their predefined
thresholds of deviation
Anything less or more
is left to be moored
by the police-authority

Because you wouldn’t play their game
you refused to pursue
their evangelical
greed for the purse, the money
the proposal of the self
before anything else
You’d rather burn Wall Street
than to walk it in stride
alongside the “apex” life
with an all-too-socialized bride

What? You think your’re original?
That Greek gem,
The Roman puppy,
Your favorite contemporary
have all done this already
You’re stuck sucking from their teat
You just take in their art
process it on a whim
then shit it out with your own
petty pseudo-witty veneer

You’ve let them contain you
in this transparent cage
though less like the diamond you’d prefer
and more like the glass ceiling you’d defer
right back to those who created it
from their palaces up on the hill
they look down without
seeing those they forced supplicant
living in blissful ignorance

We could burn the hill down
melt this rustic cage
if only I could escape this maze
this amaranthine labyrinth
that’s so tragically beautiful
the way it captures my gaze
soon to spit me out
from within its spinneret
in being and mind, wholly new
as a zombie like all of you

Tempered

Sappho — Catullus — Zachor

Here, the one who is god-like
exceeding great cosmic power
because they command your attention
although not through force
Your laughter — only it can wrench
my heart from depression darkest
For when my gaze meets yours, my voice has
forgotten its place
Tongue swallowed whole, and within
lava bubbles to the pores of my skin,
thunder of the gods cannot be heard, the veil
has concealed my eyes
Tepid sweat envelops, my person rattled
throughout, as bereft as the dead
as I am and inert — as the dirt
covering this Earth
Torpor, Zachor, is your enemy true: torpor
pushes you to the worst of your extremes:
torpor, through the ages, has felled those once of bravado
and celerity
That this Lillith has lilt your heart from within
burning, but not just at both, yet from all ends
her hands pull at the ashen wicks – threads – strings
to this heart’s content
Sappho — Catullus — Zachor

The Search and The Path

I see you from afar
nearer though than I can tell
from across this schism
This gap, This chasm
I may attempt to cross
but how does one
prune and prick
the blunted seeds of the past
to let them lie and die
away from the now
in order to move forward
toward the prized hoard
that which differs ‘tween us all
to be the blinding light
to which all else falters
The coda to The Search
For that is what I aim
with you, for us

We could sweep from the black earth
all of its soot and what hides within
and with roots unearthed
rise from this lessened berth
or to set aside
our own garden of bliss
protected from all
that would hope to detract
or skew or refract
this beautiful sapling

I see you from afar
like the words in a book
intimately I know you
but only intellectually
for the seed has only
sprouted in my mind
and in times like these
I stroll the orchard
full of the choicest fruits
ill-labored and in bloom
as I choose
The Path; It winds
on a precarious whim
at times out of reach
My way is all I seek
as my feet find their way
falling into place
with me, for me

The Search and The Path