From Dreams: A Prologue

These girls of my dreams
They love me more
Than any have before
And probably more yet
Than any ever will, I’d bet

I wish only to hold your face in my hands
For you to rest your head upon my chest
All your worries in this world would whisk away
And mine shall subside into the sea…

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From Dreams: A Prologue

Reconciliation and Recompense

The person I hate isn’t you
It’s the construct of you I’ve created in my head
So really, it’s just me I hate
And you might’ve forgiven me
But I don’t think I ever did
For the crime committed
It’ll never be forgotten
It has shaped the husk of a ‘man’
Living here as I stand
So, like your grandfather, I’m ready for the end.
All I’ve got to do
Pull the trigger and dream away

The person I loved wasn’t you
It was a version of you I’d dreamed of
So really, you were just a fantasy
Another one of my escapist ploys
To dissuade me from living in this world
I wasn’t a real boy
Strings were still attached
Controlled by the puppet master
So, here I am, finally ready to cut the strings
It’s all I’ve left to do
Snip away and fall into the abyss

Reconciliation and Recompense

I am the wolf

Tonight, I am the wolf
Though not as in reality
But as in the mind of humanity
An attack at the ready
Snarling and biting

I’ll scratch and I’ll bite
And I’ll fight for my life!
I’ll sneak and I’ll snipe
And I’ll fight for what’s right!

Today, I am killing your livestock
Not to satiate hunger or need
Just to infuriate you from your greed
Insubstantiate all that you think you need
We’ll be freed of your ignorance

When you’re just a corpse
And we’ve melted down your horde

With your liver in my gullet
Here’s to your lover with a bullet
Protecting my territory
It’s the end of your history

I am the wolf

To You, My Notebook Blue

Thank you, my notebook blue
The only whom I can talk to
You do not judge me for my woes
Or worry me of my foes
My new spine and binding
Are finding the time for this mending
We’ll epic anew!
A new adventure together
A venture sure to secure
Some meaning in this demure…
This lull
This stage fraught and full
Of insecurity and a lack of sobriety
I’ll lower my fist aimed at society
Singing, High Anxiety
And hide away my smile
Only just cracking through
So, here’s to you,
My notebook blue

To You, My Notebook Blue

Vanitas

This life
is so full of these fleeting moments
as the Earth spins about its axis
like a dreidel in flight
“Gimme, gimme Gimmel!”
or as our system revolves around the galaxy
like the ball spins around the pole
“Now, when you win,
yell as loud as you can, Tetherball!”
passes by like sand sifted by hand
only a few grains stick, but the rest
fall back in their place
attempt to disturb it as you wish
but it’ll still form this boundless beach
step into the water and let the flow
encompass you, go with the undertow
let it tumble you and whisk you away
with the ebbs of this deserted bay
it’ll mix with you and clear the clay
The lies

Vanitas

This is the song I would sing if my name was Brian Sella (aka Sink or Swim)

I don’t open my eyes under water
Even now that I’m older
I still can’t do it
But I learned how to swim
Yeah, how to swim
By being thrown in the deep end
Yeah, in the deep end
And my first kiss was her pulling my face in
And my first fuck was her pulling me to bed
And I don’t open my eyes under water
No, I don’t open my eyes under water
Yeah, we took a train up the coast
Where she tried to get me to open my eyes in the ocean
But I
Yeah, we took a plane to get away
Where she tried to get me to open my eyes in the hotel pool
But I
Yeah, I almost drowned in protest
Yeah in protest; in protest yeah
But she left me the year after that
So, it doesn’t matter if I wasn’t trying
Yeah, she left me long after that
And it doesn’t matter if she was lying
On the floor in her undies
Or on my bed with that other guy
The only thing that came to my mind to say:
“Knowing about this must make your mom uncomfortable.”
Six feet under; the early grave you put her in
She’s tossing and turning just to find some rest
I learned how to swim
By being thrown in the deep end
Yeah and my first
Was her pulling me in head first
And I almost drowned, yeah, almost drowned
But I still don’t open my eyes under water
No, I still don’t open my eyes under water
I just can’t stand the sight when I’m sinking
But don’t feel bad for me
It’s my own fault
No, don’t feel bad
This is the song I would sing if my name was Brian Sella (aka Sink or Swim)

Une Rhapsodie Pour La Nuit

On this cold dark night, my feet have found pavement
And I tread it wandering aimlessly
As a loose pebble turns underfoot
My eyes catch the sight of my truest friend
And the pebble becomes the dirt and rock of its face
Lo! There in the sky
If you look closely, you can see
Me and her, her light, my gait
Her soft dirt under my feet
As the Earth rises from behind her horizon
In that moment I am with her
And then it’s gone
And as I stare at her face
Lost among the dimensions: space and time
A thundering chaos boils within me
At first it’s in my belly, then rises to my chest
Next it’s in my lungs, until it finally leaves my mouth
My back arches, my nose points to my mistress in the sky
A chorus of tones escape me, held in frequency
A gutteral beautiful primal howl emerges
In the distance many variations join
The birds flee their perches; the animals fly to their shelters
I run. Like I never have before. All control evaporates
The pounding of other runners join with my own
The pack is in flight
And I travel this countryside as the moon waxes and wanes in its way
The pack devours and divides its spoils for the strength of the pack
My eye catches the moon’s face and a melody springs into action
My heart is uplifted as I dance into the sky joining the stars’ nightly pirouette
And I glow. Only one amongst the myriad flares, at peace
I see past the horizon, the veil that haunts us all, and can only smile
For I envision the seeds I’ve planted one day someday blooming
On that day we shall be of one shared pack
All of the sky shall be the playground of the pups
And my mistress, that glittering celestial satellite, will look down upon us and rejoice
I return to this night; A smile plays across my face

Une Rhapsodie Pour La Nuit