Here I Am, Here We Are

Here we are you and I
You’ve left me broken and lonely yet again
It’s like I’ll never learn
Left on the floor with all these
Thoughts of what I’ve been
Immature’s a word left for those
Whose swoon is best left ignored
Of your life and all you’ve done I’d have abhored
If not for how great it feels when its peaked
Because of all my interests, at the least, you have piqued

For your sake you fucking fake
I hope theres no heaven and hell
Cause we all know where you’ll dwell
Theres an empty abyss just for you

But I’m the one
Been taken for a fool
And you’re the one
Who thinks we’re ‘cool’
Yeah, I’m the one
Freezing in the pool
‘Cause you’re the one
Stuck in high school

Because here I am and you’re not
Ever gonna come back
I’ll see you ’round sometime
On some other guy’s arm
And you’ll be as you were
On the arm of some other guy

I’m trying to not be bitter and to be your friend
But there’s so much about you I don’t like
Your people eyes, your looks and your lies
The bruises there, between your thighs
All your plies, your sickly guise
I’m done, I’m cutting all our ties

Here I Am, Here We Are

What To Do

What’s there to do
With your father’s possible suicide
And all you can think about
Is the worst night of your life
And that you haven’t dealt at all
With the regrets you’ve kept inside

You’ve given up on yourself
Over this one big mistake
Oh it was so long ago
Why can’t you just let this go

Coming awake to the cityscape
From behind the wheel, your mouth agape
The memories that precede, left to escape
Sobs bundled in tears barely taking shape

It all comes falling down
It comes tumbling to the ground
Then you can’t pick up the pieces
Juggling it ’til life ceases

But you can take solace in this
Your dad’s still got his best friend
The drugs he’s kept so near and dear
Just to drive away the fear
And he still has his girls
Bent to his will at the drop of a bill

Then there’s the girl
You’d always kiss her in the middle of her sentences
With so much effort you peppered her with sweetnesses
Afraid that her next words would lead her astray
From your path you always knew she wouldn’t stay
And then she was gone

You’ve given up your best friend
To this modern modesty
You’ve lost your spine
That which kept you an honest you

What’s there to do
When all that’s left of the best
Are these rogue strands of hair
Pirating from the high seas of the past
Entangling this in knots
Keeping the treasure locked inside
Where you can still smell
The sweat laced nights
Fighting beneath the sheets we’d swell
Forever marked by her playful bites
Oh what is this hell?!

What To Do

Dear Girl,

I’m sorry you lied
I’m sorry I tried
I’m sorry I ever cried

I’m sorry I was willing to bear
All that you did
Just to show that I cared

I’m sorry I was so nice
And easily used
Like the itchy lice
Leaving me bemused

I’m sorry you got me high
And left me to dry
Leaving only a taste
When we could’ve had it all

I’m sorry you could so easily
Belate your feelings for me
Til when you feel the need
“Let’s do something for me.”

Dear Girl,
This is my letter to you
I’m trying to end this rut
To mend this feeling in my gut
And to belate
All these feelings of hate

So, Goodbye…
With feet to the plain
And lead to the brain,
Goodbye…

Dear Girl,

The Blue Notebook

This fucking blue notebook
It has trapped
All that I should have said
It has entrapped
Me from all that I could have been
With its sickly binding
Bent like my spine
Spent like my wine

This notebook, it withholds so many words left unsaid
Within I’ve spewed forth my love
Put my lowest lows to bed
All these conversations, only ever written of

Oh no, it’s happening again
Waisting my time on this paper
Count me out, the lout
I’ve already proved, I’d just rape
Her of her right to a happy life
And my right to a beautiful wife
We’ve already proved, she’d just kill
My creativity in the most abrasively
Invasive mosaic of negativities

But I’ll go on in the real world
Time to close this tale of fantasy
Time to rebind this spine
This lonesome woeful spite
Of my love for you and me
Maybe when I wake up

I’ll cut these strings
Then I can be a real boy
Just like all of you
Talking through the day
Walking along my way
Not a care on display
With only these words to say:

I’m here to stay.

The Blue Notebook

Coming Undone

I walk into a room and can’t stand
The words hanging in the air
This plethora of hapless pontification
It’s tearing at my core, I can’t do it
How will I ever get through this

The nuances of social dynamics
I can see too far into their mechanics
Leaving me enigmatically frantic
Charismatically automatic
Leaving in the havoc of my manic antics
The ashes of fanatic acts volcanic

Well, I’m coming undone
This hapless spiral
It’s ripping me to bits
Oh what have I done
Is it simply a need to be needed
Is that all I want: Some attention
Or do I just want someone else
Someone to feel about me
The way I already do
Someone to fuel my
Self aggrandizing pride
NO
I need one to level me
The one that’ll call me out
I’m always floating so high
In the fantasies of my mind
I need that which will
Bring these fantasies to life
I’ll destroy these fallacies
As the Amalekites
I’ll remember and never forget

So here I am unthreading
Do I settle, lower my standards for everything
Stuck where I am in life, this appointment
Or do I keep on fighting this continual disappointment

What’s there to do with the shattered fragments
All that once filled this absence
The remains of these extreme expectations
The cause of these nearly healed abrasions

But what once was cut will heal
Once the blood will congeal
The scab will then peel
Maybe then I can feel real

Coming Undone